Watery fun! ...Sort of

Before I started working in this industry, water-sports were something I begged my mother to write me sick notes so I could avoid them during P.E class.




Water-sports in fetish terms are anything to do with pee. This includes drinking pee, watching pee, playing with pee, rolling around in it, gargling with it, pretty much anything you could ever imagine you could do with pee and SO MUCH MORE. And the joys of this fetish is that it’s so very varied that it’s actually one of the more enjoyable ones. First up is the gross factor. ITS URINE DAMMIT EW OH GOD. Right? It’s horrible. Well, not really. Turns out its sterile when it first comes out of your body unless you have a bladder infection, which is handy, although it’s probably bad for you to drink only urine for your water consumption because you’re re-ingesting all the crap your kidneys filter out of your blood. The real nasties are filtered out with your liver, so try not to assume you’re going to get some guy drunk because you’re so hungover you see stars whenever you stand up. Also, it’s kind of warm, which is a little bit creepy at first. But in this blog entry I will discuss all the lovely things you can do with PEE.



The most important thing to remember is that if you have a shy bladder, do not pass GO, do not collect your $200. Don’t even bother. When I first started, I would have to turn a tap on while I did a wee on the guy so I could get it all started. Turning a tap on mid-session makes it a bit awkward and breaks the mood a bit so I recommend against it. Just think of waterfalls and pee away. But it’s never that easy. It’s a high hourly rate, if all you have to do is pee, you’d be doing it for free on street corners, right?



You need good aim. You can position your fingers in just the right spots to make sure you don’t piss down your own leg (I mean, haven’t we all done that a few times while peeing outdoors while drunk?) but people want you to pee on different things! You may need to pee on their feet or their dick or their chest or on their face or directly into their mouth. Once I had to aim directly at a client’s bellybutton. Another time I had another girl upside down with a speculum inside her and I had to pee down into her vagina. All the while you need to make sure you’re not peeing on yourself. I mean, it really doesn’t matter. And sometimes they want you so down and dirty you end up splashing around in it anyway. But it’s best not to piss into your patent leather stilettos if you don’t want blisters for the rest of the day. I’m not sure if this is common knowledge but if you’ve got 100% leather shoes and you need to break them in, it’s good to pee in them and wear them in the shower for a couple of days. Most stilettos are cheap pieces of shit nowadays, and usually have polyester or vinyl lining which absorbs the pee and makes them reek after you wear them for a few hours. But if you can find non-synthetic lined leather stilettos you can wear them in like that. For the cheapies, wear really big hiker’s socks and kick your feet up and read a book on the couch for hours at a time. Anyway, back to the bladder talk.



I get asked to pee in weird positions a lot. And its something that you aren’t really designed to do, because in toilet training you do it on a toilet in a sitting position and that’s about it. So unless you’re desperate to pee, you’re going to only be able to do it sitting down to start with. But your brain is play-doh, it’s malleable and it can take different shapes and you can definitely teach yourself to pee in different positions. Squatting, sitting, tied upside down (for the dyed hair creatures amongst us, pee tends to make your hair colour run), lying down. In underwear, in the shower, on the bed, in your underwear, in THEIR underwear, in huge adult diapers that go up to my chest. They want me to pretend to be desperate to go. They can force feed me water until I am actually desperate to go. Experienced Dominants can, in a sub session, catheterise me and make me hold the bag up myself so it drains straight into it. And then I can do the same to them. I can catheterise someone, drain their bladder, and pour whiskey down the end of the tubing. I can twist it slowly inside their urethra. I can make them so desperate to pee while they’re tied to the suspension rack that I force them to pee on their own feet before I let them down. I pee in bowls, pee into Pump water bottles (fuck you Coca Cola Amatil), pee on towels and make them sit on them. I pee during sex. I pee while being fucked with dildos. I pee on tampons and shove them into noses and mouths and butts. In school uniforms. In puppy costumes. Dressed up as a kitten into a box of kitty litter. Onto a vinyl bed so it sits there in a puddle and someone can drink it right off the bed.



Pee is pretty tasteless. Usually. And most of the time I drink lots of water before these sessions so the client enjoys it the most. But I have a few clients that are just absolutely vile, and I despise them because they’re pathetic and they just want to worship me and that’s what they want. They want it to be horrible. So I get up to the most evil things possible. It depends on if I’m in a good mood or not as to whether I get really creative or if I just walk in, piss on them, and walk out.



The best way to fuck with someone who enjoys pee is to eat things that make it taste weird or downright disgusting. Asparagus is the easiest thing, if you can stand to eat it. My kidneys are fucking ruined so if I eat beetroot I pee bright pink. Vitamins are a big one, with the B vitamin groups making it not only fluorescent yellow, but smell faintly of mildew. My pee also smells of coffee if I’ve been drinking it, which is invariably every single day I go to work.



I actually enjoy water-sports as far as sessions go, they’re good fun and you just shower at the end and it’s all over. Plus, there is always pee around. If I drink lots of water and coffee before a session I could pee three or four times in an hour if I have to. So it’s easy money, good fun, and generally pretty light-hearted fun. Splashing around in urine isn’t what I planned for a career but it sure as fuck beats working shit-kicker jobs in retail.



And besides, being able to be catheterised (it actually isn’t really very uncomfortable for me, which is handy) and have the tubing fed through a huge 12inch black dildo so you can piss up some guys ass while he’s tied to a bench with your pee-soaked underwear in his mouth- it’s a nice way to feel like queen of the entire universe for an hour or so.



Granted, when I get home that night I still have to clean the kitchen sink of dried spaghetti, and sift cat shit out of the kitty litter, and I slump on the couch wearing track-pants and my hair in a topknot. But that’s just an illusion. I’m really at my finest when I’m at work doing perverted things.



PS. If your boyfriend tells you he doesn’t pee in the shower, he is absolutely lying. Just be grateful yours doesn’t pee on your leg in the shower- mine does.